I received this email and thought it was hilarious... I didn't write any of these and cant give the person that did credit because I have no idea who it was..
Random Thoughts of the Day:
1. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
4. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
5. Was learning cursive really necessary?
6. Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
7. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
8. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
9. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
10. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
11. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
12. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
13. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
14. I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an unsightly woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."
15. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
16. Bad decisions make good stories…ain’t that the truth!
17. Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
18. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
19. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
20. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
21. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
22. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
23. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail.
24. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
25. When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
26. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
27. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
28. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
29. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
30. I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
31. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...