MANNING

To the Sheriff of the National Football League:

For twenty years I have been a fan of the man that changed the QB position to this new era of football,

The man that led the offense with the loud OMAHA call.

Drafted #1 overall you showed that you were worth that honor and some are just a tree ornament. 

Man how the years came and went.

Years of winning, 5 MVPs, records, rings, injuries, and comebacks,

You are the recordholder above them all at the position of quarterback.

Because of your excellence I was able to give my kid a strong name,

M-A-N-N-I-N-G will always know that his namesake came from a guy with fame.

Famous for the his duels with Tom Brady,

However no one cares about Lex Luthor we want to recognize the SuperMAN.

I was in the stands when you beat the passing yards record and later got called a loser. 

After the SUPER BOWL win you proved to that same crowd that you’re no doubt a winner.

You gave us someone to enjoy while we ate our Papa johns and drank our Budweiser. 

My Sundays will never be the same with you not on the field,

Thank you for your representation of the shield.

Angry People

I just got through watching the comedy special "Ugly and Angry" by the last comic standing finalist Chris Porter (Season 4 - Josh Blue won so you don't have to look it up).  I decided that this was the time to blog about comedy again (2 word review - Watch It).  Chris Porter did an awesome job of describing exactly what his special was going to be about in 3 words.  He took the cliche of don't judge a book by its cover and said screw that. Im going to give them exactly what the cover is telling you.  He came out Angry about everything.  Mainly at stupid people or what he called "fu**tards".  He was kinda giving off the "here is your sign" vibe from Bill Engvall about people asking stupid questions.  He also gave a entertaining rant about starburks and how people just need to order their coffee and get out of the way.  He then went into rant about him being ugly and how ugly people need to be nice because what else you got going for you.  At least he is funny.  Ugly people need to learn what they are good at and go with that and not being mad or angry all the time.  However, Porter is contradicting himself in this exact moment.  Hope you get that if not well lets move on to another comedian that has been angry for a very long time and that is Bill Burr. 

Bill has had many specials that you can pretty much watch all of them on netflix.  Side note if you are any kind of comedy fan you should have Netflix.  They are a comedy gold mine from Louis CK, Bill Burr, Aziz Ansari (side note: He sold out Madison Square Garden- WHAT), Ralphie May, Russell Brand, Kevin Hart (He sold out Madison Square Garden 3 times- LEGENDARY) and even a ton of other comics.  They even have winners of "Last Comic Standing."  Which by the way doesn't mean jack and the we all know that.  Back to Billy Red face and that this man is angry about a lot of things.  The most common thing is getting rid of this over population  of stupid people problem that the word has been diagnosed by two comedians in this same post.  Bill rants about "thinning the herd" in at least 4 specials i know and he even did it on Monday night when I went to see him in Jackson, MS on his Billy Bible Belt Tour!! 

Which I was kinda nervous about because I thought he just did this special to come to the south to tell us that religion is stupid.  I had a right to think that because that is basically what he did for 20 minutes in his latest (funny but too long of rant on religion)  Basically religion is like Bacon to Jim Gaffigan on the Bill's special "Im Sorry you feel that Way". 

 
However, I was listening to Bill Burr monday morning podcast and he said that he was in Alabama the week before and he mentioned he didn't believe in God and someone in the crowd said you better not say that in Mississippi and this freaked out Bill.  So that guy did us a favor because Bill didn't even touch the religion material in his arsenal when I saw him.  Which I think me being sensitive about a topic makes comedians want to rip on it even more which I understand but in this case i was paying money.  I am glad Bill Burr did this tour because this exposed him to a bunch of people that had never heard of him or bought his material.  I think that was his main goal and it was achieved. The main topics of his comedy in Jackson was feminism, Equal pay, Gorillas and sign language, airports, ad that we all better be glad that Kanye West is black and not white.  Which sounds racists but it is funny.  Side note:  Bill did a meet and greet for all fans that wanted to stay after his show which was awesome.  Not many comedians do this anymore.  That is one thing that I wish was more common that and the encore of telling classic bits (especially when you have over 5 specials to draw material from).  I am not going to mention the comedian that does this because this is a post about angry people and he doesn't really fit.  What a suggestion to get a feel for Bill is to watch him on Conan and you get  to really hear him go off or in this case be Ugly and Angry about the most common of things like: Oprah, Steve Jobs, Guns, Rednecks, football fans. 

Comedian update

Anthony Jeselnik the stand-up comedian and television writer. Jeselnik was named one of Comedy Central's breakout comedians of 2009. Jeselnik has stated many times in advice to practicing beginning comedians that he believes the most important step in the career is learning to continue acts even when no one is laughing, because there is no better practice against heckling. In 2010 released his debut album, Shakespeare

(Punchline Magazine named his album Shakespeare the best comedy album of 2010.)  DO NOT BUY until you listen to some examples of his comedy on youtube on sample it on itunes. 

I bought his CD just because of his rating on punchline magazine.com.  However, this was a huge mistake on my part.  

In no way did I think this album deserved to be the album of the year in 2010.  I guess punchline thought it was great just based on the fact that after every joke Jeselnik will tell you himself that the joke was awesome or the best joke.  Half of his standup is either complimenting his jokes or telling you a story about how someone didn't like one of his jokes. 

However I do think he does a good impression of Dane Cook.  He even looks a lot like Dane.  I can't stand Dane Cook by the way either. 


I believe the ones that should have replaced this one should have been the ones below

BILL BURR – LET IT GO
Though it seemed nearly impossible for Bill Burr to outdo his last release, Why Do I Do This? from last year, he’s done it. Let it Go finds the respected comedian in top form.

 BO BURNHAM – WORDS WORDS WORDS
If you had residual doubt as to whether Bo Burnham was not as much a comedian as he just was a YouTube star, his newest effort should fix that. Burnham combines piano and guitar based songs, beat poetry, hip-hop and straight stand-up to deliver wall-to-wall laughs.

 

Ironically both of these were on Punchline magazines.  The 10 Must-have stand-up comedy DVDs from 2010.

The best one out of them that is not even listed on punchline because it was only a digital download album in 2010 was Brian Regan's All By Myself.   
It was released on December 7, 2010, so that had something to do with it to to not make the punchline magazine's website.  However, if you search punchline you won't fine Brian Regan review or other items anywhere on the site. 

All By Myself, was everything I hoped it would be.  I had seen him twice on tour in 2010 and it was awesome. For the second show in August in New Orleans he had dyed his hair blonde which made him gets tons of laughs at the beginning of the show before even speaking a word. 

Check out some of my funny videos.  Click Here. 

Album to check if you haven't is Josh Sneed's Unacceptable on itunes.  Its great stuff.  Check out some of my funny videos.  Click Here.   

Comedy Rhyme

The perfect gift to the public could be through entertainment and laughter,

It is what many of us seek after.

It can be found in many different ways,

Stand-Up Comedy shows is my choice everyday and in everyway.

Shows come in such a variety,

Clean Shows from Brian Regan or the politically incorrect Ralphie May.

To take an situation and make it funny can be seen as talent,

This can make an audience wait for that moment.

Moment when they arrive on stage and take the microphone,

Use that tool to fuel the laughter, applause for jokes that were homegrown.

The club, theater, center, complex, or the stadium,

Forums that sell attendance for income.

Ticketmaster or stub hub are both a source,

Source for that ticket to see the comedy workhorse.

Internet also gives its appreciation,

Sites for each comedian by the dozen.

Fan projects to the mainstream of punchline magazine,

Presenting reviews and links on the comedian’s routine.

Fandom will give way for them to make to the flat screen,

Comedy Central, Home Box Office is the where the specials can be seen.

Specials that on DVD can be the best gift,

A gift that can entertain and uplift.

Not only through video but some choose to do comedy in a book,

Ron White’s : I Had the Right to Remain Silent.

Some use stand up as their gateway into Hollywood,

Jim Carrey, Ray Ramono, and even Dane Cook.

In everything their winners and losers,

Box office flops to the hits or bankers.

Dreaded “Good Luck Chuck” or the highlight “Hangover”

Stand-up talent gives material for the comedian, author, and actor,

All in the interest to entertain the audience with the perfect gift.

The Philip DeFranco Show

You tube has shows that resemble TV,

One of the best is a show hosted by Philly D.

Gives you the news that he thinks is worthy,

You don’t have to agree.

Agree with his views or comments,

Just enjoy what the TPS presents.

Variety with Three Channels

Sxephil, PhilipDeFranco, and Like Totally Awesome

He gives us words, stuff, and things.

Along with laughter, drama, and lashings.

With over a million subscriptions,

He gives a short glimpse of his thoughts from his station.

Adore or Hate him doesn’t matter,

Think his stupid or even clever.

He fuels off both of it and enjoys the point of view,

Nothing beats a good Philly D argue.

Man is primetime now with his own gear,

Sayings from Phil that you can wear.

“Common Sense is Dead”

“Douchebag of the day”

“Bitches be crazy”

“You have just been Phill’D in,”

“Peace, love, and sammiches.”

Just give some money and its your property,

Property of the TPS’ army.

An army commanded by a man of talents,

Comedian, writer, director, producer, and entrepreneur,

Apple addict with the Mac, iPhone, and the iPad.

Steve Jobs must be your second Dad.

Monday through Thursday is his schedule,

Let hope he trashes the entertainment systems to stay with the ritual.

At least we know if Katy Perry makes an appearance,

A TPS topic is will be at a close distance.

So tune in later for this Phil appreciation is to be continued,

Til then you have been Phill’D in,

You’re Welcome.

None of the above is meant to fringe upon any copyright.

Christmas

This Christmas I got everything I asked for. It was great I got tickets to go see Brian Regan (one of my favorite comedians).

I also got a ping pong table and I have so enjoyed that. I also got an Apple TV and clothes which is awesome!

Unfortunately Christmas would have been complete had the Colts continued to go undefeated but the coaches took the starters out of the game in the 3rd Quarter!! They wound up losing the game so they could rest their players!! This Christmas I watched some movies that get me in the spirit of the season which are: Its A Wonderful Life, Charlie Brown Christmas, and others. For some reason this year I watched Bad Santa which was pretty stupid of me seeing that it is such bad movie.

Tiger Woods

Eldrick Tont "Tiger" Woods

Tiger Woods

These recent stories involving Tiger Woods many people have been asking me what I think of him now. I have been a fan of Tiger Woods the golf player since 1997. I watched the 1997 Masters as a mesmerized 7th grader that had never seen a player so dominate. I was an instant fan and followed golf only because I wanted to see how this man would change the game of golf. In my mind, golf would not be where it is today without Tiger Woods. I know for me and my friends that any time we go play golf Tiger Woods is brought up in some way. Most of the time its when someone shoots an impossible shot. That what he is known as the man that always made the impossible shot. The one big thing about Tiger Woods that I have always like is that you could never count him out of a tournament.

Accomplishments

Major Wins: 14

PGA Player of the Year: 10 times

FedEx Cup Championships: 2

PGA Tour wins: 71

European Tour: 38

I am a fan of Tiger Woods the player of golf. I am not a fan of him as a person. He is a Buddhist first of all which I don't like but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop being a fan because of his religion. I don't believe that just because your a fan of someone your automatically condoning everything that they do. I am still a fan even after what has come out about him with all these different women. He is the greatest golf player of all time in my mind. What he does in his personal life doesn't erase history and his past accomplishments. It just lets people that have always liked Phil Mickelson or some other player have ammunition against him now. Now he is not seen as this perfect athlete. My mind he is still the greatest golf player of all time because of what he does on the course not off of it.

People have asked me a bunch of if questions that would I stop being a fan "if he killed somebody or some other horrible crime." I would answer that with Tiger Woods would no longer be able to play golf if he was convicted of murder. So then he is not able to play golf then I am no longer going to root for him. If he playing the game of golf at the level he does then yes I am going to be a fan of him. This is because the man is the best player in the world. If you are a fan of golf than how can you not marvel at what the man has accomplished. This is about being a sports fan. He is the best athlete at his sport. I never knew you had to be a fan of the whole person not just what he or she is able to do and accomplish at their sport.

We have all been caught being fans of someone doing something immoral.

Go to the following site and see if you are or were fans of the athletes listed.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_professional_sportspeople_convicted_of_crimes

John 8:7

He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone

Mitch Fatel is Magical

Mitch Fatel: Mitch Fatel Is Magical (2009)

DVD Release Date: September 22, 2009

Check out Mitch Fatels new one hour stand up special Mitch Fatel is Magical September 18th on Comedy Central!

I taped the special and watched it the other day. Mitch Fatel delivery is so unique and so hilarious. His whole 1 hour special is about women and sex. I can't believe the whole hour has the same subject. Mitch does sex humor like Chris Rock with racial humor. I thought it was hilarious. The way he does that small sly voice is great touch. It really gives you something to look forward to. Below is some clips from the show. Link to his Youtube channel.

Funny Bone in VA Beach

I was Virginia Beach this prior week for work and went to the Funny Bone while I was there. I went with a coworker to see the featured comedian Lynne Koplitz. The coworker I went with was a lady that is in her 50s. When we got to the door the man asked did we want to sent toward the front or in the back. I said Id rather be in the front then in the back. Thinking we get in the middle but ole no we were right beside the stand within an arm distance. I could practically hold the hand of the comedian on stage. Within two minutes of Lynne being onstage I regretted the decision of choosing the front. She looked over at us and noticed the distance between the coworker and I and asked are ya'll married? I answered with No and then she asked are you dating and I was "No." Then, she asked well how do you know each other? I said we are coworkers and then she goes off to about three or four jokes about coworkers and all kinds of stuff. Then, starts asking me questions again like are either one of you married and I said I am and then she was like does your wife know that your out at a comedy club with a coworker? I said yes and then she asked tell me exactly where she thinks you are? I said she think I am in VA beach. Then she got the clue that I was out of town on business and asked where I was from. I said Mississippi. Terrible answer by the way. After about 10 hillbilly jokes she asked me for my name. Funny thing that Lynne couldn't even get me a free beer at the Funny Bone. She kept thinking I was mad for her picking on me and ordering the waitress to bring me a beer, however it never happened. Another funny thing is look at the picture below and how old would you guess Lynne is?

She is 42!!!!!! Pictures are worth a 1,000 words.

By the way Lynne was funny and definitely worth all the harassment. I will always remember this experience.

Follow me on twitter @ http://twitter.com/DerekHoleman

Ocoee River pictures

This is a post for the a family.